Codependency

Not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, codependency is a psychological syndrome noned in relatives or partners of pelters or substance abusers. How It is created within a person Including the orally of the dysfunction. Also covered ar what the symptoms of codependency argon. I provide also cover how to identify codependency in yourself or early(a)s. How the codependency affects a persons wellbeing & how to transport that. The conclusion of the paper focuses on how to stop being codependent. This topic is near & dear to me. As I have predisposition towards codependency ( more(prenominal) on that later). It conform toms to be a family tradition.Thinking active my relatives I could label all of them codependent. As well as most plurality especially In any sign of c argiver character reference or job. C areers that have a lean toward codependency are nursing or health care including therapists. wholly run the risk of wanting patients to discombobulate better so we can feel validated that we are skilled at our Job. Of course, we all want peck to be relieved of their suffering simply when that terminus starts to interfere with our own sense of self, it performs very detri mental. It goes from reasoned caring to over caring & enmeshment, which can dampen our lives.When It started Innocently enough encouraged by society. It seems expected to be selfless, caring & loving to others some quantifys to the intimidation of the self. If the individual is non, then they are deemed selfish & cold, which people would rather be, throw up with someone (while percentage them of course) then be labeled as self-involved or egocentric. Codependency is also being portrayed in movies. matchless particular story line close to modern day vampires comes to mind. As I watched, I could non help but think wow way to encourage young impressionable minds to become enmeshed & codependent on one another to an extreme.Making statements such as l would die for you obvi ously not a statement to be possessn lightly. Sadly, often they mean it. There seems to be a gender digression here as well woman are much more likely to become codependents than men are. I liken that to the stereotypical role & societal expectation that woman ordaining be the nurturers & caregivers for everyone in the family. This expectation could be expected at an early age expecting the little girl of the house to output on mommys role if the mother is absent or sick possibly blush too wino or high to wreak on her duties.This loud also be the case for a son whose Daddy is absent or sick. Mom may need the son to be a breadwinner at an early age or help tend the house. Worse, these single parents could expect these children to take on braggy situations like bills emotional support or sexual incest. My experience as a codependent started as a child. I grew up in a dysfunctional post where my mother was an pelter. Her drinking was a sneaking(a) from the byside world. My brother was the family scapegoat he had some airal issues. My role was the perfect(a) child.There were many unemployed promises about the drinking stopping but it never did. I never really understood the come to of growing up with an alcoholic until I learned about codependency. As a teenager, my first go out relationship was unhealthy. In the past, I have found myself in codependent relationships with men. Trying to help them & becoming immersed & obsessed. I have many of the symptoms of codependency that are listed below. I have since vowed that I will no longer commemorate into a codependent relationship with an unhealthy partner.With the sensory faculty of them & by reading about the disease, I am dedicated to healing that within myself. With some insight into the disease, I see that y entire family is codependent. I tried for many years (l probably still do on some level) to help them to neuter their lives but I see how that is a futile pursuit. This helping continue s to keep me codependent & sick with them. In the end, they are the solo family I have & I need to accept them as they are. According to Facing Codependency Pip seam describes five symptoms 1 . Experiencing enchant levels of self-esteem (2. ) Setting functional Boundaries (3. ) Owning & experiencing their own reality (4. )Taking care of their big(p) unavoidably & wants (5. ) Experiencing & expressing their reality moderately. Codependency is called a disease it is a chronic & progressive illness. It is suggested that codependents want & need sick people around them to be happy in unhealthy ways. For example, a girl who grows up with an alcoholic father will unconsciously marry an alcoholic to perpetuate her addiction to creating, which is like a dose in it of itself.She gets fulfillment or validation while caring for the alcoholic like he couldnt break through without me. The reason it is called progressive is that the sicker people become around us the more intensely we ex act. Codependency may not be an illness but it can make you sick & keep people But do not take action. They react to the problems, pains & behaviors of others with a disregard for their own feelings. They Justify theses creating roles as helping someone who has problems who cannot help themselves, I am the except one who can help, or I am the only person that cares.Is a common attitude among codependents. What they are actually doing is enabling the dysfunctional person to continue to be dysfunctional by helping them out of legal, financial, or accountability type situations. The codependent will bend over backward, dedicating enormous amounts of energy & time & give their last dollars for the sick person. All hoping that the alcoholic or sick person will become better or change because of their help. Maybe the go for is that the alcoholic will become sober if he Just gets through this tough patch or gets the charges dropped.Meanwhile the codependent has done beyond their share o f household, parenting & fiduciary duties. All the while, the codependent has anomic some of themselves to the sick people. They have lost their pride their sense of worth, their sense of respect, their time, their money etc. With the grand hopes that the sick person will see what I have sacrificed for them & they will acknowledge this & I will now get my needs met. This is improbable to ever happen. How are the symptoms created? You guessed it childhood Just like a diseased tree its origin is in the root system.When children grow up in a family, that is less than nurturing or abusive & dysfunctional that creates codependent adults. The type of abuse or neglect that these children sustained can be vast. Abuse can be farthest & wide. Some forms are emotional, physical, psychological, verbal, or sexual, as well as neglect not providing or their needs or being too lax with them. Alternatively, being too rigid by expecting children to be more mature than they are capable for their ag e, which would include sharing adult subject matters with them being emotionally dependent, or financially and so on.Regardless of how we were toughened as children, a core belief that what & how we were treated was normal & or loving. The dysfunction withstood is not recognized until later after the damage has been done. As children, we wanted to please our parents when this was not the case we internalized a sense of failure. We ere up with a distorted sense of what happened to us was normal & appropriate even it was not. We think the way our family & caregivers behaved toward us was correct & they are right-hand(a) people.The confusing part is if they are good & right then wherefore do I feel unhappy or uneasy with certain occurrences that took place. How can they be wrong? No dysfunctional family is all-negative or without some good times. That is the important part of the dysfunction where the family or its individuals are not functioning normally. One of the hardest parts for children is the neediness of accordance in the histrionically family. Whether it is with their needs being met consistently or how a parent disciplined or treated them when they were sober or high the baffling part was it always changed.A child may interpret this dissonant behavior or treatment as their fault like l did something wrong today & momma is mad & now she is drinking because I am a bad kid. Later when Daddy comes home theres goanna be a fight & its all my fault if I could Just be more perfect then there wouldnt be fighting. This is where the child internalizes shame & not being good enough or perfect heartsickness of codependents are Creating- they may feel responsible for other peoples feelings, thoughts, choices, needs, wants, well-being or lack of & their destiny. niping compelled to help others with problems & offer unwanted advice, give multiple suggestions, or fix the feelings. They anticipate peoples needs. Find themselves express yes when they want to assert no. Find themselves attracted to needy people & vice versa. They feel angry, used & unappreciated. Feel bored, empty or worthless when they dont have a crisis or someone to help in their lives. Overcoming themselves. testament give up routines to go out of their way for others. Feel safest when giving to others. Low Self Worth- fare from dysfunctional, repressed or troubled families, which they deny these issues.Blame themselves for everything. Reject praise or compliments. Never feel good enough. Feel they cant do anything right. Feel a tie of guilt. Feel ashamed of who they are. Think their lives are not worth living. Have a slew of should. Have been victims of abuse. Get depressed when not praised or complimented (stroke deprivation). opine they do not deserve good things. Long for others to like & love them. Settle for being needed. recollect good things will never happen. Repression- Many push thoughts & feelings out of their awareness due to fear & guilt. argon t errified to permit themselves be who they are.Can be keepling & rigid. Obsession- They feel anxious about problems & people. Worry about silly things. Think & talk a lot about others. Lose sleep over other peoples issues & behavior. Never find answers. Check on people. Abandon their routine because they are so upset with about somebody or something. Focus all their energy on other people & problems. Wonder why they never have any energy. Controlling- Many have lived with through events & with people who were out of control. Are hunted to let others be who they are & thus allow events to happen naturally.Get frustrated & angry. Feel controlled by people & events. Try to control events & people using various tactics. Denial- Ignore problems or pretend they are not happening. Pretend circumstances arent as bad as they are in reality. Tell themselves tomorrow will be better. Stay busy so they dont have to think about things. Spend money compulsively. Overeat. lie in to themselves. B ecome workaholics. Believe lies. Go to Doctors for tranquilizer. Dependency- Look for happiness outside themselves. Dont feel happy, peaceful or guinea pig with themselves. Dont love themselves.Worry if others will like or love them. Look to relationships to provide all their good feelings. a lot seek love from people incapable of loving. Desperately seek approval & love. Feel terribly hazard by the loss of a person or thing they think provides their happiness. Latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness. C see their lives around other people. Dont take time to figure out if others are healthy for them to be around. Lose interest n their own lives when they love. Worry other people will leave them. Tolerate abuse to keep people loving them.Dont believe they can take care of themselves. Leave bad relationships to form new ones that are Just as unhealthy. Wonder if they will ever find love. Feel trapped in relationships. Poor Communication- Blame, bribe, beg, c oerce, threaten, dont mean what they say, dont say what they mean, dont know what they mean, dont take themselves seriously, find it difficult to get to the point, gauge their words carefully for desired effect, talk too much, say everything is their alt, say nothing is their fault, lie to protect themselves, have a difficult time people.Weak Boundaries- Say they wont turn out certain behaviors from others, gradually increase their tolerance until they can tolerate & do things they said they never would, let others transgress them, keep letting others hurt them, wonder why they hurt so badly, complain, blame, & try to control while they continue to stand there, finally get angry & become totally intolerant. Lack of Trust- Dont rely themselves, or others, dont trust their feelings dont trust their decisions, try to trust untrustworthy people.Anger- Feel very scared hurt & angry, live with people who feel the same, are frightened of their angry are frightened of others anger, feel controlled by other peoples anger, feel safer with their anger than with hurt feelings. Sexual Problems- Are caretakers in the bedroom, have sex when they do not want to, have sex when they rather be held, nurtured & loved, withdraw emotional from their partner, are afraid of losing control, have strong sexual fantasize about other people.Miscellaneous- Codependents tend to be extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible, find it difficult to feel close to people, have a hard time having fun & eyeing spontaneous, become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness & that of others for causes that dont require sacrifice, vacillate in decisions & emotions, stay loyal to their compulsions & people even when it hurts, be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems, cover up, lie & protect the problem. Changing Codependency As we can see from the above list, codependency can be easy to identify with.The goal to changing the codependent behavior is not to detach from the person w hom we are codependent with but to detach from the agony of involvement. Attachment occurs when we become excessively worried about & preoccupied with a problem or a person. This uses up a lot of our mental energy. Obsessing, worrying & controlling are illusions. They are distracting us from ourselves & the real issues. The goal is to change that obsessing & supernumerary energy that we are expending on someone or something other than ourselves. We need to let go with love. This can be done by detaching.Detaching does not mean we dont care about the problem or person that we have been obsessed with. Detaching means, we release the person with love & an attitude that if the problem isnt ours to solve than we cant change it. No matter how much we want someone to change or someones problem to change WE eventually are not able to. If the problem is someone elses then we need to realize that it is theirs to deal with not ours When we detach we accept reality & the facts. It means to l ive in the present moment. We become neutral. The benefits from detaching & becoming neutral are many.We have a sense of serenity & peace the problem is no longer victorious over our lives. If people have created disasters for themselves then we allow them to face those consequences. Without feeling like we are the only one who can rescue them. When we allow someone or something outside of ourselves to control our feelings then we are always at the mercy of something other than ourselves. This creates a victim mentality by giving absent our sense of peace to outside sources it manifesting itself into inner turmoil. We are powerless or out of control of our wellbeing.Another key fruit to overcoming codependency is to become less reactionary. We become oversensitive to every emotion, feeling, thought, behavior & problem that comes our way or someone elses. We allow ourselves to get so upset & distracted by little things or big things. That in turn creates a loss of control over ou r almost manic state. Letting go is a powerful & necessary step to recovery. We let go & let god as the twelve steps of recovery quote. Instead of trying so hard to make things happen, we Just let go of the moment instead of trying to control, the outcome.When we try to control results, we never get what we want. We may expend a lot of energy. Expecting if we try harder, we will get exactly what it is we want. Instead, we get frustrated, hurt, disappointed, sick & victimized. We cannot change people. When we think that we can we are deluded. When we try to control another they will either resist our efforts or try twice as hard to prove that we cannot control them. When we detach that person will notice something is different here. Why wasnt I nagged or in trouble for this incident that I used to get in trouble for? at long last they may realize Oh no this person is no longer going to rescue me & now I have to be accountable for myself more. When you remove yourself from the crea ting role, the other person will notice. They will eventually get the message. Start to focus on your own life. Find what interests you & pursue it. It is important to have a healthy interest in yourself & what makes you happy. Fall in love with yourself. Be your own best friend. Stop doing things for others that you do not want to do. Say that one very powerful word no when you want to.If you do say no then do not lay a guilt trip on yourself afterward about saying no. When you start putting your needs above others, you will become more peaceful & feel better about yourself. It is the opposite feeling of bending over backwards for someone & them not noticing. When you go out of your way for yourself, you will feel more valuable. It seems that overcoming codependency is a lifelong Journey with no quick fix available. There will always be people who enter our lives who will test our boundaries & challenge us to stand up for our wellbeing & ourselves.But, if you value yourself & under stand, you have this propensity toward being codependent then that awareness will be helpful in creating healthy boundaries with others. As they say, awareness is the first step towards change. It is suggested to work the steps of a twelve-step program to facilitate the healing process as well as to help you bring peace to your new life, success, & leaning. It also helps to relate to others who have had quasi(prenominal) experiences with codependency or another 12-step program. Beaten, M. (1992).